real me-kind of serious

writing or thinking? playing or serious?
i always tell myself that i still can write something for myself, and hold such a unbelievable idea that if i keep writing i will definitely feel better after a whole painful period. yes. of course. sometimes it indeed works well, and so well that i trust it so much.

but that not means i will stop writing, i will pick up my pen whenever i wanna and need.

but now, only now. all i wanna do is be serious again. i was a very serious person, and somehow so serious that without any sense of humor. but when i realized that is too bad for my communication and relationship or staff like that, i turn to be a little bit humor. however it just shows part of my life, behavior and things. for example we need humor when we are chatting and playing any games. but on the other side, i will definitely not joking when whatever someone talk about love with me. to be 100% honest, i never met any guy who really know what love is.

i still remembered those guys i used to date with, someone who really attentive and cares about you but he has no idea what love is-meticulous is not equal to love. someone who just wanna make love with you. but there is someone still in my heart that who really know what love is, the pity is we only have one day to touch and know each other, we do not have enough time to know how actually i am and he is, but somehow i can feel something from his eyes and words. this kind of feeling...i ever felt before...within just few words and eye contact, i suddenly felt he is the one.

also i hold a very strong opinion that the real love must comes from life, two person share everything happened in the real, silly things, difficult things, happiness, they have argument and agreement as well. they face the tough events and celebrate even one little success together. they indeed left their footprint on the path they walked. they have been through too much together and i know nothing can separate them.

if only-love him like there is no tomorrow

i always thinking that if i can see through his eyes, that means i fell in love with him. he is the one who know what love is, not playing---is very very extraordinary serious.

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one i see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore
and LOVE is all that i can give to you
LOVE is more than just a game for two
two in love can make it
take my heart but please donot break it
love was made for me and you.

after 2007 after walked into may, steal all my memories back, i know i would not fall again, if that guy is not HIM. i always tell those friends on the internet that do not fix me up because i am not broken. but actually i already broken up into pieces. i wanna someone come and fix me up, but that guy must be him only him. whenever i am alone with nothing to do, i always thinking about him and wanna him be with me and walk into my life. i told myself several several times that forget about him, your life will be more bright in the UK but....my eyes are still full of him.

sometimes i read those real or nickname or whatever on my skype, the life there is not real and most of them are totally fake. of course those friends i know are all close to me and i miss them.

frankly, i am not always feel so bitter about this, actually it already past but i am still i am and i was, still waiting for my Mr. Right.

Meet the right guy in the right place at the right time.

lessons about the life to be learnt and felt from those mistakes that i donot make them very clear still. but the real me...serious again and be more positive.

will i lose or start new life

since that night, i changed to another person. i know that it is too dangerous to me but i still went to. there are only 2 kinds of situations. one-real love, another-fake sweet words. but i am wondering that why he would give me one week to think about this and then turns to couple of months...what is that mean? means it is over or means the another situation? i dnot know...
last night i gave him a call after back from friends and i know i was totally drunk...under the emontion, i spoke everything ...did i so hurry? i can meet other guys..some of them will be more good than him...i am a chinese...love me in chinese way...and i will live my whole life with u. or just love me...i will give my whole heart to.

home--my whole life

this afternoon when i back home and saw my grandma in the graden and did some funny staff, actually i am really happy to see she is fine and enjoy her life. suddenly i know that this is what i should love my whole life. he or whatever any kinds of friends are less than her and my family...
i love my family my whole life.

friday and ending but still hope

if someone call friday is the end of one week, so that is to say i will get my answer but still i got nothing until now. but of course i still waiting for that, hope will have a wonderful weekend and may holiday, even though i konw that he is not here with me, he is in somewhere far away from me but if there is any hope in my heart i will keep it. definitelly i am the person who love more and i am willing to do that for him. if nothing else i will take care myself and running for my dream.

my pen my heart

whatever i've been through i cannot without a pen, i donot when but now my blog seems to be my everything and i need a pen to pick me up. i konw everyone can read it but i dont really care that. the only thing i care about is my heart, i will relax and feel comfortable after wirte something on whatever or wherever, that is enough for me. odd but me. sometimes i even cannot remember the most easy words but still the life rest i know i should wake up from the past and do my best to what i should do...because whether i will find my true love or not ....the love i should not lose in my whole life already here...my family...i willnot let them down... my pen my heart ..all to them

one week

i can not believe myself i will wait for one person for one week. and whether there is a answer or not. just wait here..but 2 days left and there is no any messages or emails...only wait here. what is wrong with me anyway... and can i call him as my boyfriend or not? god...i am crazy i know that. he did not say he love me or miss me and did not pick up my call...why i am still here and waiting for him for one unbelieveable answer or even there will be nothing else .... no hope ..nothing... but he didnot konw all i wanna do is find a way back into love...only this..nothing else..he didnot understand ..even myself donot know whether i can trust him or not..far away from me and without a word...just best friend? or after one week become to be my boyfriend? how fool i am..love such a guy and still love him even he just gone without a word ...perhaps i should leave and forget him...one week for me is long enough to love one person and as well is long enough to forget one. one week can hurt me but one month will kill me...whatever it will be..i know i will find my new life in uk..all my dream

king Arthur

well i just watched the King Arthur again
and I love it.
Not just the new take on the king arthur legend and the able cast
but the colors, the costumes, the landscapes, the horses...
i am no king arthur scholar but i have always been enamored with the
chivalric ideals.
it is great to see the knights in shinning armor and Merlin conjuring up the
mists and casting spells, and the young Arthur pulling Excalibor out of the stone
but i went into this movie with an open mind.
i could see where the elements of the now Arthurian themes may have had
their beginnings.
the love triangle was never my favorite part of the Arthurian legends,
so the subtle treatment of it here did not bother me at all.
i love the knights. i love the idea that they were just regular guys
in effect, drafted into military service.
whatever shortcomings this movie may have, i found heart and soul in it.

call

i got his call last night and
he told me we are just friend and
we will keep that for long
i know that hurts me a lot "friend"
well ...
still i want to see him and give him call
hear his voise . let he hug me and kiss me
he told me he will help me whatever i want and
i know he is a good guy and he somehow trust him a lot
i just feel warm, comfortable, relax,
he is the someone make me feel i can face troubles with courage
think that i can lie on his shoulders...
i wanna share with him ...
i do not know really

can we?

today, nobody will believe me what i did
he is attractive, really and definitely
to be honest, i like him very much
i totally have no idea but i just feel myself
my heart tell me that he is the right person
he is as tall as me
yellow hair, brown eyes, lovely eyelash, nice face
strong body and warm hands .....
just amazing and gorgeous
he tell me what he does and how his work run...
we lie on the bed and watch films and chat
i even do not believe myself
that is really my first time and we kiss and touch each other
it is just like a dream, unbelieveable daydream
and i am a little bit afriad sometimes
worried about that is just nonsense and no meaning
can i love him and what about him
does he like me ?
when can i see him again?
he told me "you just relax and we will see what will going on step by step"
that is right and why i will worry so many
expecting his call and kiss

ONE MUSIC ONE DAY

As she said in her blog, one person one dog one street.
so i said one music one day.
today i found myself relax and enjoyable
maybe it is a good beginning maybe not
open my new blog in the morning and
check the friends' words that is wonderful
like i am a recovery person with harmful feeling
the new day is full of sunshine and i am feeling good..

ANOTHER DAY

today i made a little mistake or i can say i made lots of mistakes these days. i think about the same thing day by day and now i know the answer. i need to be more independent. i gived up my first part-time job for my grandma, it looks very good but it is just a word, or you can say i treat myself. I did not tell anyone about the real reason. i am hoping that-or i always hoping that another day will be better than now, and i will be changed to be more strong to face what i worried about. I am finding the reason why I become what i am today for a very long time, people sometimes just see my good point, my achievements, they did not realized that i am afriad of many things that can not see. sometimes i feel lonely and wanna find someone to talk about, but when i talk with my friends, i do not where should i start or i do not know how to describe myself correctly. well...i do not have too much time to wondering, one and a half year is a very short time to study and get what i want, i must be changed or to change myself. they are hoping me....

HELP THE WHALES

This year, once more, the Japanese fleet set sail for the Southern Ocean Sanctuary with the aim to hunt 945 whales.
Greenpeace will also be there to stop them. On the last expedition, Greenpeace ships found and stayed with the whaling fleet for 29 days. The whaling fleet went home 82 whales short of quota. The Japanese government reported that we intervened 26 times and 'disturbed and sabotaged the research activity' by placing volunteers between the harpoons and the whales to shield the whales and by using water curtains to stop the whalers from sighting or targeting whales.
This year, we will also be taking the actions you dreamt up and suggested at our website. This expedition is an exceptional one: every Greenpeace supporter had the chance to design the expedition with us.
But one key arena in which the struggle against whaling will be won for good is the International Whaling Commission (IWC), where representatives from around the world meet annually to decide the fate of the whales. The meeting this year will take place in May, in Anchorage, Alaska. The whaling countries, led by Japan, want to end the moratorium on commercial whaling. If this happens, the fate of the whales will be sealed.