real me-kind of serious

writing or thinking? playing or serious?
i always tell myself that i still can write something for myself, and hold such a unbelievable idea that if i keep writing i will definitely feel better after a whole painful period. yes. of course. sometimes it indeed works well, and so well that i trust it so much.

but that not means i will stop writing, i will pick up my pen whenever i wanna and need.

but now, only now. all i wanna do is be serious again. i was a very serious person, and somehow so serious that without any sense of humor. but when i realized that is too bad for my communication and relationship or staff like that, i turn to be a little bit humor. however it just shows part of my life, behavior and things. for example we need humor when we are chatting and playing any games. but on the other side, i will definitely not joking when whatever someone talk about love with me. to be 100% honest, i never met any guy who really know what love is.

i still remembered those guys i used to date with, someone who really attentive and cares about you but he has no idea what love is-meticulous is not equal to love. someone who just wanna make love with you. but there is someone still in my heart that who really know what love is, the pity is we only have one day to touch and know each other, we do not have enough time to know how actually i am and he is, but somehow i can feel something from his eyes and words. this kind of feeling...i ever felt before...within just few words and eye contact, i suddenly felt he is the one.

also i hold a very strong opinion that the real love must comes from life, two person share everything happened in the real, silly things, difficult things, happiness, they have argument and agreement as well. they face the tough events and celebrate even one little success together. they indeed left their footprint on the path they walked. they have been through too much together and i know nothing can separate them.

if only-love him like there is no tomorrow

i always thinking that if i can see through his eyes, that means i fell in love with him. he is the one who know what love is, not playing---is very very extraordinary serious.

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one i see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore
and LOVE is all that i can give to you
LOVE is more than just a game for two
two in love can make it
take my heart but please donot break it
love was made for me and you.

after 2007 after walked into may, steal all my memories back, i know i would not fall again, if that guy is not HIM. i always tell those friends on the internet that do not fix me up because i am not broken. but actually i already broken up into pieces. i wanna someone come and fix me up, but that guy must be him only him. whenever i am alone with nothing to do, i always thinking about him and wanna him be with me and walk into my life. i told myself several several times that forget about him, your life will be more bright in the UK but....my eyes are still full of him.

sometimes i read those real or nickname or whatever on my skype, the life there is not real and most of them are totally fake. of course those friends i know are all close to me and i miss them.

frankly, i am not always feel so bitter about this, actually it already past but i am still i am and i was, still waiting for my Mr. Right.

Meet the right guy in the right place at the right time.

lessons about the life to be learnt and felt from those mistakes that i donot make them very clear still. but the real me...serious again and be more positive.